The Indian Family, etc.

A famous Indian author came to talk to us today. He was tall and strong and had slick hair and a chiseled face. I was in awe simply being in his presence, and I was in a trance nearly the entire time he spoke to us. He talked about English usage in India, and how five percent of people here speak it as their default language. He told us about his book – the one he would be presenting at the Pune International Literary Festival on Sunday. He then proceeded to talk about his personal life and beliefs a little more, to give context to the subject of his novel. He said, and I quote, “the family as an institution doesn’t work for me. It’s overly romanticized.” Hearing this – after so much talk of the prominence of arranged marriages and the upmost importance of the family in India – was remarkable and at first I couldn’t believe my ears. It was also amazing because I have agreed with that sentiment for a long time but, even in the U.S., it is not very popular. It is often easier for those kinds of sentiments to remain unsaid. He also talked about his experience being gay in India, which was fascinating. 

Upon arriving home, I ran into my ajie ( grandmother) who sits outside everyday from 6pm til 7pm with the other women of her generation in the apartment building. I find this insanely adorable and seeing them there everyday makes me sad for the way our elders are treated back in the U.S. Here, family is sacred, and for young adults, the norms that are expected of them in terms of leaving home are just the opposite as they are in the U.S. If you're not living with your parents by the time you're 27, something is wrong. In the U.S, if you are living at home at the age of 27, something went wrong. Family is so close in India that they call all their male cousins brothers (in addition to their actual brothers) and all their female cousins sisters (in addition to their actual sisters). There is a specific word for every family member imaginable ("mother's brother," for example, is called "mama.") This centralization around the family unit has its downsides for sure - I won't even get into the roles of women in this scenario, but it is a little out of whack, for what I am used to. But ultimately, for what it's worth, family sticks together longer and it means that there close to zero nursing and old age homes in the entire country - a feat that the U.S. is grossly far from. The older generation plays an integral part in everyday life, and to not have them around is literally unfathomable to the younger generations. 

I sat with them for a while, and, since only one could speak decent English, it took a while for them to understand what on earth I was doing here :). 

Another great day, though also a little hard at some moments. All in all, I feel myself moving forward in this India experience in a way I probably wouldn't have predicted, but I don't think I'm going to challenge it :).